Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law: (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until, as the saying goes, all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until, - - Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven -- thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

Comment on its scientific argument: He assumes that the hell has a positive heat capacity, which means the hell will gives off heat when its temperature drops. But his premises, that every soul goes to hell and no soul leaves it, let me think of black hole, a celestial body which engulfs everything near it. And black hole has a negative heat capacity, which means it will gives out heat when it temperature increases. Therefore, if his premises are all valid, and given that the hell also has a negative heat capacity like black hole, the hell is endothermic.

Comment on its propriety in Chinese culture as a joke: It will inevitably be considered improper as an answer on a mid-term test in major universities in China. But if we consider the attitude of sex portrayed in the movie, American Pie, it might be proper in US.

My personality profile

Overview
Some of the following information may seem inaccurate or incomplete. Remember, that this profile is a snapshot of your personality at a specific moment. It is not intended as an in-depth analysis of your complete being, but as a tool to aid in self-discovery:

• You have a strong feeling of optimism, considered favorably by most people around you. Your perception is that the bottle is half-full rather than half-empty.
• You have a strong sense of humor. You usually know when to lighten a difficult situation, amuse and entertain people.
• You have to be with people. This extends into the need to gain popularity, achieve social recognition and influence those people around you. The "bottom-line" is a strong people orientation.

Communication
The following statements offer a look at the natural behavior you bring to an interpersonal relationship.

• You have a natural, outgoing style that some have labeled as the "natural salesperson." You are generally likable, talkative and socially assertive. Your primary intent is convincing or persuading people.
• You can generate enthusiasm in yourself and in other people. Your enthusiasm, often contagious, involves many people in a social activity who might not ordinarily become involved.
• You show sympathy to the feelings and needs of others. Your natural empathy style may draw others to you.
• One of your great strengths is your ability to communicate and talk readily. Since all strengths may be overused at times, you may sometimes talk too much.

Improving communication,
Below is a list of communication styles that will mesh well with your own:

• Share specific ideas to carry out an action.
• Be brief, clear and to the point.
• Motivate and persuade by referring to objectives and RESULTS.
• Provide options, rather than opinions.
• Plan sufficient time to talk and listen.
• Talk about expectations.
• Support results, not the person, if you agree.
• Ask for opinions and ideas.
• Be ready at the exact time.
• Plan interactions which support dreams and goals.
• Provide questions and choices for making decisions.
• Be stimulating, fun-loving, and fast-moving.

Strength
Following are some of the specific strengths and/or personal characteristics that you bring to a relationship. These may form the foundations of many of your friendships and dealings with other people.

• You are usually enthusiastic about activities and planning.
• You enjoy situations where you can demonstrate your skill or mastery of a subject.
• You are optimistic and tend to make others feel good about themselves.
• You generally don't like to back away from a challenge.
• You like to analyze problems and discuss their possible solutions before taking action.
• You are socially poised and people-oriented.
• You have an excellent sense of humor and tend to see humor in events spontaneously.
• You tend to enjoy life and share that enjoyment with others.
• You tend to be influential in decision-making situations. Others often turn to you for advice.
• You like to initiate new activities.

Needs
While answering the Relationship Questionnaire you established a pattern of basic, subconscious wants. This section of the report was produced by analyzing those patterns. Our wants change as we mature and obtain our life goals. You may find it valuable to revisit this section periodically to see how your wants have changed. You may want:

• Support of your ideas and dreams.
• Equal relations with others.
• Others to adhere to your high standards.
• Popularity.
• Acceptance in a variety of groups.
• Time to adjust to change.
• Recognition of skills and ability.
• Social recognition of your accomplishments.
• A support system to help you get things done.
• Reassurance.
• A friendly, favorable social environment.
• Better planning for change in the future.

I did this personality test in eharmony, an professional online dating service site. I am surprised by my patience to complete such a long questionnaire.